Thursday, January 28, 2010

i finally did something i shld have done a long time ago.

and i'll be going again soon.
all the best to me

1/28/2010 02:53:00 PM

Thursday, December 24, 2009

i'm really sorry
but i guess i've misplaced the card
can you just let me know the content of it?

12/24/2009 01:48:00 PM

Friday, November 27, 2009

i nearly forgot

sorry to see that you're sick
hope you get well soon
but glad in a way to see that you have progressed quite well too

now that you do know alrdy
and i was right
you and me
we both know

you seem to have a lot of questions
but then again
you didnt ask
oh wells.

dont need to hide yourself
or deny what you did
or feign things

i know yp doesnt like to talk to you
she doesnt like you more than i do
in fact, i dont dont like you

so pls, nxt time,
if you want to know anything
just ask me directly

actually, to tell the truth
the ppl i appreciate the most
were those who found out last min
and still came
and showed their care and concern

actually, the most was one of my uni fren
ppl change and so do their circle as well
but i nv forget the old
they are still there
i've learnt to appreciate all of them

the recent meet up was a test for myself
to see how much i've progressed as well
and i called for a celebration

and perhaps
and so perhaps

one day

we really could be friends again

thkyew for everything
and nothing.

and ohs,
the fake j saw the real j.

take care my dear johnson

11/27/2009 09:59:00 PM

Sunday, November 22, 2009

oh wells.
the minute i posted my last entry
you msn-ed me.

guess i'll still see you.
i dont know what to expect.
but i promise not to be mean
unless you force me to

i think my friends will kill me if they find out.

11/22/2009 07:35:00 PM

Thursday, November 19, 2009

i suddenly felt like seeing you
before i get hospitalised again

so i msn-ed you
but you didnt reply.

i guess.. oh wells.

11/19/2009 08:59:00 PM

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

a friend posted the jap drama up
one litre of tears

i cried.
but what's the pt

everything was fake.
all the way from the start.
that was what really broke my heart

like another friend of mine said
guilt is actually another selfish feeling
i dont need you to feel guilty abt anything.
neither do i want you to

i was just stupid
to believe anything was true.

10/28/2009 12:42:00 AM

Friday, October 09, 2009

initially i was furious w you
then i realised i was furious w myself
as maybe the song that goes
"i hate myself for loving you"

you still have an effect on me.
that's what i dislike.
i wld have thot my heart was alrdy icy cold
but you made it rock cold now

i'm not a person who bear grudges
in fact
i think i kinda took it out on you last night over sms alrdy
i need to be more level headed ard you
i need to be devoid of emotions
i think the sms-es hurt you
and angered you as well
what i did hurt myself too

but then coming back to think abt it,
it may not have hurt you at all

bcos all we had was a joke to you

i thot perhaps i cld come clean w you
if you really did care
but it looks like
it's only to kill your curiosity

so my life is a joke to you?
so tt you can gossip and brag abt your ex to your friends and laugh over my stupidity?
over how you're able to convince a naive girl of love and leave her in the lurch after tt?
and just to see how you've caused me to rise and fall and how i live my life after tt?
am i just an experiment to you?

for me,
it was not.
i really put in my heart for hell sake.

if you didnt believe in 1st love,
why, in the first place did you ask me to be your girl?
when you alrdy knew you're gg to be my first?
if you didnt believe then why?

when things hvt even happen,
you're worrying abt it alrdy.
what divorce when we hvt even got married to each other?
you have no faith in the r/s at all. you didnt believe.

say what love me and will nv let me go when we are tgt
then say how shld i know you're suitable for me are when you want to break?
and ask me to look for other guys?

all crap. bullshit.
and if we're meant to be
we'll be tgt after all of these?
if fate were to bring us tgt again?
what get married if we're both single after we hit the thirties?
i'm only a spare-tire to you then.
someone you can just live with if you cant get any better ones.
i dont need that. i dont want to be a last option to anyone.
how wld you feel if you are that to someone you love?
if i ever get married, it wld be to someone who put me as the first option.
if not, the only one.

you broke up w me bcos you think i need to focus on my own things?
how abt what i think? have you ever thot of me?
now i can just imagine you telling me
if we ever get married
" i think we shld get a divorce bcos you are not coping well with your work."

you were checking up on me just to get over your own guilt.
and not forgetting. for your curiosity sake.

dont bother if you dont care.
what happens to me.
i have my friends with me.
i dont need a hypocrite like you in my life.

you once asked me if there's any way you cld love me more
i told you to use your heart. to be sincere in the things you do.
but i guess it was all fake.

i was so hurt by what you said i cldnt stop crying the entire night
i felt like i was being used
when you needed someone.
i was just there.
when you dont alrdy,
i'm being cast aside.

you are nothing but a selfish bastard who only cares for yourself
and will do things to cover your own ass.

so army time,
too bored. can come find me.
sch starts
got other "better" things/goals to achieve
so bye.

am i right to say tt?
i'm just your toy to keep you from boredom.

you know,
i was thinking tt you've wasted 3 yrs of my life
those 3 years are nothing but a lie.

but then
sth one of my fren said pulled me up again

bcos at least, for me,
it was real.
bcos i did live a happy 3 years although it's still, in fact, a living lie.

but do you?
for you, i think you didnt.
tt's why you feel guilty
it was just pure entertainment for you.

i wldnt take it out on you anymore
bcos i believe in karma
what goes round, comes ard
there is no need to dirty my hands

despite everything tt has happened
i am leading a very fulfilling life
and if any case,
anything tt has happened or will happen,
i have all my friends
REAL friends.

ppl whom i know will be there for me all the time.
i also have my family.

how abt you?
do you?

i have basically asked you to stay off my life
and stay off my blog.
so i wldnt know if you'll ever come across this
but i thot i'd just write.
cos i'm just much too tired to get in touch w you anyway
sick and tired of all of these

and ohs,
if you think fate may bring us back tgt again?
i'd tell fate a big fat no. my feelings have been cheated enough.

10/09/2009 01:06:00 PM

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