Thursday, August 24, 2006
It has been a long time since I really last blogged...
Think things have happened too much..
And some things cant be mentioned well here either...bcos this is a blog..everything you typed here, the whole world can see...but smt, thr are just things you wish to share but just cant bcos the person nxt to you may be hurt bcos of it
Bcos you're afraid tt they’d read it
But you'd say,tt's the purpose of a blog mah...to share...
Yes, you're not wrong..but it is still v restrictive..
Yes, I know my blog have been v vague
And neither does it include moments I want to share as well..
Too bz or too tired..
Or perhaps I don't want to share anymore?
Does the ppl even care wad I write abt? Or does anyone even read?
I don't care anymore...
This has been my source my venting of my frustration, of my stress, of my anger in a way no ppl may realize..
And also to share my joys..
Things have been gg up and dw so much tt smt I duno wad i'm feeling...
i'm tired...tired of being the “perfect” girl some ppl expect me to be..i'm only human too.. i'm not perfect..by expecting so much frm me is actually giving me more stress...
I may be mature enough to understand and do things...I understand and I let go..but do you noe tt by being understanding is a v tiring job?i have my emotions too...
Thr are some things I may not want to do or tt I don't want to do..but I still do it..i may grumble abit complain abit..but I still do…I don't need anyone to keep reminding me of tt..
So much thigns happen tt all my tots are just coming in a rush...one min thinking of sth. Another min, another thing...
Some are not my problem..but one way or another it has become mine..
Sometimes I just feel like running away...away frm all these problems..but wherever I turn to, sth just crops up..thr are problems everywhere..it’s just how we see it and how we handle it..
I have my own things to worry abt too, and I’m worried abt THAT thing too…you don't have to vent all ur frustration on me too..actually, not just on me, but my sis too...
We know you're worried. We know you're concerned. We know he is your only son. But you don't have to do that to us. You don't raise your voice at him, not that you never, but you hardly. Because you know that he is hot tempered and he won't listen if you do. What about us? It's unfair though I never say it. And you're upset because sis said it. I know she shouldn't say it, but it's true in a way. You understands him. Do you understand us? Do you know what we are thinking? Do you even care? Because we are older and have a higher tolerant level, you can shout at us because of the minor minor things that we did? So you bottled up your worries and let it out at us?
So is it our fault again?
Sometimes, when things have happened, there's no use looking at the past again and wishing that you have done something else. It's all too late. There's no use worrying. What's done is done. And what's going to happen, is going to happen. We can't run from it. So what if it's going to be embarrassing? It's still gong to happen. I can't do anything to stop it. It's not within my power. He caused the trouble and he's going to face the consequences. It hurts me to see you sad. And I'm sad he got into this kind of trouble too. Not just sad, it's worse than that. I think devastated is a better word. And total shock. I'm unable to do anything to help. I wish I could, but I'm unable to. Really. can you feel the frustration in me? the feeling of helplessness?
I may be mature enough to know all the things. I’ve grown up. Actually, I'm being forced to. Sometimes, I don't wish i'm that grown up..i just want to be your little girl whom you'll dote and love. But I get none of it. I'm expected to do this and that for you. Run errands, do household chores, do favours. But what do I get? More expectations. Thanks so much. My efforts are taken for granted.
It's not that i want you to thank me or anything. I know this is my home and I should do it. But will you at least show some appreciation please? You don't have to thank me, but please don't tell me something else I haven't done and expect me to continue doing all the stuffs. I will get tired too. Ii'm not a robot. Even robot needs its rest. I'm a human, for goodness sake. A human with emotions.
And sometimes, all of these are bottled within me. I need a source to vent it out too. And some poor fellow gets it from me. I know better than to do that. but then, I still does it some times though. I'm not that perfect. You know who you are, and I'm really sorry. Sorry for putting it out on you when what you've done was really minor. It wasn't really your fault too. And thanks. Thanks for putting up with me.
Sometimes, I need a break too..so when you see that i'm too stressed out or anything, you don't really have to make me keep talking about it. It'll be good if you're able to cheer me up and make me forget about it instead. Really. I don't want to land in quarrels w you because of all these stuffs.
To those that does it frequently, I hope you realize it. I don't ask for your apology, but I really do hope you realize it and don't do it to us anymore. at least try not to. It hurts. It hurts deep down. To see the bias-ness. And to feel the pain.
++jingz++;
8/24/2006 09:37:00 PM
