Wednesday, January 28, 2009

我不知道该说什么好

但看到你妈
我是感到有点开心
也许
是有点想她吧?

我会去
不是为了红包
而是对一个长辈的尊敬
还有
是看在我们曾经的那段过去
怎么说 也有那么久了
三年啊

我只有一句话想说
请多陪陪你妈一些
不要常让她一个人在家
不要让他为你操心

我没什么资格说你
也没理由去想找她陪她
这好奇怪好不对


++jingz++;
1/28/2009 03:45:00 AM


Wednesday, January 21, 2009

today will be the launch o my new blog

but b4 i leave this floating in the cyberworld
leaving my memories here

let me close it nicely


and mayb
perhaps
i'll come back once in a while

to update
to say
when i miss it

____________________________________

the last entry for now

what shall i say?

goodbye?
i dont know fro sure

____________________________________

let me say abt today


i met up w pei
again :)


and she wanted to kill me
after i told her what i intend to do
after i reach home


which is to come online


she wanted to kill me
cos she say tmr muz wake up early
shldnt go online
shld slp earlier

in the end
she was thinking o coming online too
lols.

____________________________________

i think i really like my tuitee
such a sweet girl

and she made me even nore passionate
and determined abt teaching
and more determined to help her


*she's really cute
thot i was gg to meet her tcher
or rather, her ex-tcher
when i told her i'm gg out

she thot we were v good friends
when i dont really know him at all
lols.

and she likes to watch me do x-stitch
always ask if i got bring x-stitch along
says i look motherly
according to her
tt's a good thing*

_______________________________________


after so long
i realised
the career path that i want to take
is to teach


ultimately
after everything

i want to go nie

just not for now

2 ppl made me realised tt
and yupei agrees tt
teaching will suit me well

says i have he potential since a long time ago


i rmb even my jc physics tcher
(mr mannan)
said tt i have the tcher look
lols.

funny some things turn out isnt it?


i know i've always like to help
my friends along w their studies
and i'm always happy if they can get it

i have the passion there

my current tuitee
*my fave one*
made me realised
i really have the passion

although she always worry
tt i'll get impatient w her
when she doesnt understand
i nv did

thru so many years o giving tuition
i think i've found the way to get to them alr~

the trials and errors
i think i've found my best mtd
^^

i still need some refinement though



and the ppl who has inspired me
inspired me to be a tcher

i think
it's mrs yeong
but sadly,
i've lost contact w her

after she retired from queenstown
even mdm teoh dont really have any news o her


i hope she's doing well

________________________________________

all i want to say is

i'm really glad
how my life is turning out


the breakup was
a good thing for me

although it still hurts
although the pain remains
with all the memories still thr

and the fact tt
i know i still ____ him

the hold backs
the restrictions

the wants and the dont wants
the indecisive-ness
the fear o losing him
the hope o gg on w/o

i seriously dont know
so moving away is just one step

but is it just a escape i dont know

i know running away solves nthing
but everything takes 2 to clap


running away is not really my style either
although alot o times i like to do just that



all in all

i'm just trying to say
not to worry,
i'm doing well

the break away time
gave me alot o time to think
to explore


w the hurt
i've gone way out


but thk gdness ..
i've come to my senses as well


i've some up w my own theories
abt things
abt life
my perceptions
and proud of some of them

i've thought of what i really want
i know what i want better
i know what i like better
i know what suits me better


i've learnt new things
i've learnt to handle myself better
how to treat others better

how things shld be
how things shldnt be

taking for eg.
what i want to do in the future

realising my dreams
and my passion


in other words,
i've grown
and at a much rapid rate than in the past

i've fallen
and stood back up
on my own two feet

i've gotten back some skills
picked up new skills
and refined all o them
and still refining in process
the process will nv end

the learning one
as long as we live
each and everyday

______________________________________



而且
我要告诉你的
就像你蓝牙我的那首歌
在你我心里
我们都会是彼此的

独家记忆

_____________________________________

独家记忆

歌手:陈小春

专辑:独家记忆


忘记分开后的第几天起


喜欢一个人 看下大雨

没联络 孤单就像连锁反应

想要快乐都没力气

雷雨世界像场灾难

让现在的我可怜到底

对不起 谁也没有时光机器

已经结束的 没有商量的余地

我希望你 是我独家的记忆

摆在心底 不管别人说的多么难听

现在我拥有的事情

是你 是给我一半的爱情

我喜欢你 是我独家的记忆

谁也不行 从我这个身体中拿走你

在我感情的封锁区

有关于你 绝口不提 没问题/没关系/没限期


++jingz++;
1/21/2009 12:30:00 AM


Tuesday, January 20, 2009

jack of all trade
but master of none.


would you rather be a generalist?
or a specialist??

__________________________________

ytd i spent on my bro.
today i spent on my sis.

__________________________________

i live now for now

i believe in living now
i believe in the present
not in the past.nor in the future

as long as we live happy
live well

past shapes the present
memories that holds

no one knows what the future holds
so why worry?
why bother so much?

they say
save for rainy days
i agree

but what is nw is impt too


i dont see the point of waiting for the future
everything we can
if possible
do it now!
right now!

grab hold of every opportunity!

life's unpredictable.

____________________________________

i need to kick that habit.


jeecheng,
it's not worth it!!!!!
*stopping myself*

__________________________________

yenn changed last min

but ok la~
heh.

__________________________________

今天
我又想了
很多很多


还是觉得
干净利落比较好

___________________________________

让我把事情
快快解决
快快了断
好吗?



我不想
不想再想
不要再想

___________________________________

当着根本不存在

___________________________________

我一定要把本分做好!


++jingz++;
1/20/2009 12:08:00 AM


Sunday, January 18, 2009

attended ms tan's wedding
^^
so so sweet


i almost teared
when the video showed
her husband lifting the veil

steph almost held out to me
hahas.

________________________________


ip zone is my bro's killer shop.
lols.

_______________________________

how come i willingly agreed to pay?
*faints*

_______________________________


everytime i go to the hospital


i feel like crying


_______________________________

there is so many things tt
i still want to do
still want to learn

i have so so much



but why am i still thinking?

_______________________________

我不想纠缠不清
但我却又不能不去想

我真笨
真傻

————————————————————————

不可能了
不可能了

————————————————————————

我好期待
好期盼

————————————————————————

我好累
真的好累


++jingz++;
1/18/2009 11:09:00 PM


Friday, January 16, 2009

finally had my haircut!!
*grins*


and gotten myself a new pair o specs
heh.
__________________________

went back queenstown
and saw alot o changes

so fast.
it has alr been 6 yrs since grad

*seriously miss those days*


*the tchers were concerned
and asking abt my bro la*
__________________________

mdm teoh invited us to her hse!
heh.

she is an inspirational figure
tt make me want to learn more things

at her age,
thr's alot she still wants to learn


i'm young
even much much more to learn!!!
^^
__________________________

stop it.stop it.

__________________________

pei beat cheng.
*cry*


if it works,
it'll be good though.

__________________________

i seriously need more practices.
think i'm really deaded.

what did i do to myself?

__________________________

i have alot tt
i still want to
achieve out of life too


*not just you*
___________________________

it is a feeling
not a choice


but it is a choice
a decision

___________________________

我的 2009 年
一定要有好的开始

保持
好的一年


ェホチト


++jingz++;
1/16/2009 01:00:00 AM


Thursday, January 15, 2009

i didnt realised you mean so much


this is no good.
*shld be gone for good*
______________________________

i think i can handle myself rather well now


as long as my emotions
dont cloud over too much

_______________________________

i was thinking
lucky i dont have this problem anymore

but then

______________________________

i wanted to say i am
PISSED
v pissed

but then
我想
算了吧

______________________________

我的忍耐度
也是有限的

不要太过分

______________________________

tour guide!
^^

______________________________

i got the urge to master japanese!

right now!
arh!!! lols.

_______________________________

i was literally shopping w them
*oopsy*

_______________________________

i am so dead-ed.

looks difficult.
no, is really difficult
not enough time.

_______________________________

it's not as easy as i thot it'd be.
i'll work hard!

_______________________________

long days.
long nights.

_______________________________

so many things.
so little time.

_______________________________

in and out of hospital

_______________________________

life is short.
life is unpredictable.
cherish all you have.

do all things you find worthwhile
make all eventful
memorable and meaningful

________________________________

i wanted to give
but was unable to

________________________________

*being able to give blood
means you're still healthy
be glad for that*
be it blood donation
or anything

be glad that you can still give
being able to give means
you're more fortunate as compared

help when you're able to
it may mean nthin to you

but to another,
it may be a big difference

do not be happy to be just the taker
it's just binching on someone else's good
give and take


*just some thots*


++jingz++;
1/15/2009 12:48:00 AM


Monday, January 12, 2009

my mind was in a whirl ytd

the previous post was a mess.

________________________________

fatigue - ness

is there such a word??

________________________________

my tuitee asked me
if i have a sense o accomplishment

i asked her
if she has a sense of satisfaction

she smiled
so did i
^^
_________________________________

school.projects.assignments.tests.
work.tuition.
family.friends.
dance.
play.life.

work hard
study hard
*or shld be study smart?*
and play hard

time!!!!

___________________________________


ah josh drives me nuts.
arh!!!


___________________________________



have created a new blog a/c alr
think i'll let it
officially commence on
20 01 2009


interested readers,
just tag me
or sms me
or buzz me on msn


i'll add
__________________________________

爸爸说

“人”
容易写

做起来难

i couldnt agree more

___________________________________

can i not care or bother?

___________________________________

my very own personal therapy

___________________________________

a hundred and one thots


++jingz++;
1/12/2009 10:22:00 PM



blame it on the song.

blame it on my big mouth.
just myself.
argh.

why did i even do tt?
i guess i just cldnt help myself.

i dont know why i did what i did

_______________________________

i think the sickness
has gotten to me.
eek.

_______________________________

and yes,
i think it's one-sided

_______________________________

你不觉得我们这样
其实是在脱离带水
藕断丝连吗?


unless tt is what you're trying to do.
to keep me by the side.

_______________________________

i dont want to know.
i want to know
i dont think i want to know.

what am i talking here?

_______________________________

i think i want the new year to be well
so badly
that i fear

_______________________________

i know i'm being bullied smt
and yet i still allow them to..

am i too nice or just being dumb?

_______________________________

been talking to a few ppl
been pondering alot
been thinking of what all these means to me
of the definitions
of the lines tt shld be drawn

love. relationships. friendships. family.

real. fake.



what does a r/s mean to me now?
what do i want out of it?

i'd love to have just a one and only.
but who knows?

i used to think tt
to spend time tgt is v impt
(not tt i'm saying it's not impt now)
but tt individual time is also impt

we need time and space as well
if not,
thr will be suffocation

spending time apart doesnt mean tt we dont care
nor that we doesnt have each other on the mind

used to believe tt control means care
but at times
we need to let go
to be able to let each other
do what they want to do
what they need to do
and believe tt spending time things tt req of us differently
doesnt mean there's no love, care and concern

to love,
i dont think there shld be restriction too


i think it's about being able to
let each other be themselves
still do the things they like
have their individual hobbies and time

yet come tgt to share and to care
and to do things both like as well

quarrel and forgive quickly
and not to bear grudges

to be open w each other
not hiding things

believe and trust.
surprises and romance.
quarrel and fight.
forgive and forget.
but not lessons learnt.
sweetness.bitterness.



i think to love is
to give a hundred percent o the heart
not the hundred percent o the time

and at the end of the day,
it's just knowing tt thr's someone out thr
loving you and caring for you.


and for that
you got to believe and trust


and friends?
how real.how fake.
how do you deem it??

i feel the fakeness somtimes.
and i feel fake myself smt.
disgust.


this world.
is full of pretense.
and you dont know how to
you may offend ppl
and you'll slowly perish if you happen to meet a powerful faker.

so there is a need to learn how to wayang
i feel so disgusted.


think wld rather avoid at all means
than to wayang.
i cant pretend

think i'd just die off soon

___________________________________

fakos. fakos. fakos.

___________________________________

i didnt know

___________________________________

what for go
if thr is no sense o belonging?

but if dont go,
how will have sense of belonging?


++jingz++;
1/12/2009 12:29:00 AM


Wednesday, January 07, 2009

i can feel the heat of the sun
as well as the chill of the wind

_________________________________

这场病
其实让我领悟了

许多

我的生命
。。。

_________________________________

时间短暂
生命翠落

_________________________________

this new year
i resolved to lead a healthier life

_________________________________

i've nv felt so sick for so long alr
yrs in fact

was so sick tt i cldnt even managed to go sch
and feign ok-ness
cldnt hide the fact tt i was sick.sighs.


eek.dont like the feeling.


was so sicked tt i keyed in the wrong number
*muddled-headed*
no wonder pei said
she didnt received any msg
i checked and realised
pei wanted to beat me up
if i hadnt been so sick :(


think the msg sent wasnt seen anw

________________________________________

isa's remedy doesnt taste good.
but it worked though
felt better le~
^^
thx.heh.

________________________________________

ok. so i'm in biz finance alr.

_________________________________________


the lecturer's laughter amuses me
hahahas.

_________________________________________



i call tt stupidity.
i'm not so easily conned.
since you alr known and even seen me b4
it'll just be a waste of time on your side


_________________________________________


whee~
i managed to prepare dinner
w/o help
w a qc and a supervisor
lols.

they said i pass
^^

__________________________________________

i hvt seen my tuitees so hardworking b4.
motivates me to teach better :)

but smt
i still feel like strangling the boys

___________________________________________

i think i'm anti-social-ing

smt
i so tired
just so plain tired


too tired to care
or to bother

__________________________________________

i close my eyes and i still see...

deep in me...


++jingz++;
1/07/2009 10:34:00 PM


Sunday, January 04, 2009

the way of life...


the kind of life i'm leading
the kind of life i want

i think i know better now


the hopes the moments the times

________________________________

你是不是有话要跟我说
或是有东西想问我?

却又说不出口
还是找不到好的时机?
也不知如何说起呢?

________________________________

谢谢你
我知道我欠你很多吧
让我还清了


我想
我到最后还是会选择放弃了
对不起

因为我知道
我对你的感觉
仍然还在
我看
我必须离开吧?

除非
这不是单方面的感觉


++jingz++;
1/04/2009 12:04:00 AM


Friday, January 02, 2009

hmmz...

i'm wondering wondering...

____________________________________

yupei and i found a new hobby
lols.
njying, ya??
^^


jiayou!!

_____________________________________

today's session was super long.
but it was a good one
heh.

_____________________________________

really really gotta save up!!!!!

arh!!!!

_____________________________________

i need a haircut!!!!
badly.

_____________________________________

i miss yupei!

but we just met up
wahahaz.


i'm so gg to miss her
esp when sch starts
think both o us are really gg to get real bz


but i dont care.
pei and cheng
will make time for each other
right, peipei??
^^

_____________________________________

the kind o life i'm leading.... ...

_____________________________________

我发现到
其实
我还在寻找自己

我到底是个怎样的人?
the real me.
who am i?
what am i like?

我发觉
我其实是个 introvert
tt happen to be
more talkative
more vocal
and more expressive

i'm not the extrovert tt all seems to see


deep down inside



江山易改
本性难移
i'm still me
the same old me

just tt i may have changed
some of my perspective
some of the ways i do things
having seen so much
feel so much
and w the envt changes
ppl bound to change in a way or another


but i am still me


think i feel the most natural ard pei
no need to hide
no need to put on a front
think we know each other
and understand each other
to a point where
no words are needed to be exchanged smt
i'm really glad for tt
the years o friendship amounting to it



thkyew pei.
for letting me be me



i love you girl
*of cos in a friend kind o way.lols.*
*we're 2 perfectly straight girls!*
^^


++jingz++;
1/02/2009 11:30:00 PM


Thursday, January 01, 2009

happy new year to all!!
^^

新的一年
新的开始

×我突然感到好老×
真是岁月不留人

time really flies
2009 has come
but everything just seems like ytd

___________________________________

it's taking me v long to really pick up cycling.
*bruises all over*

blading up next!

___________________________________

i feel like a girl scout!
lols.

it's fun..and tiring.
hahas.

more activities and plannings coming up?

___________________________________

guess i fear i'd be getting real bz
when sch term starts


can dont want anot?
sighs.
我不知道为什么我感到很害怕

___________________________________

我已伤痕累累
遍体鳞伤

脚有许多瘀青


心灵上
也好不到哪里去

我真的好累好累
有时候只想一个人躲起来
。。。



我到底要什么
想什么
我自己也不清楚

对你的仁慈
是造成对自己的伤害吗?

我是在自讨苦吃吗?
我到底在做什么?

我到底对自己怎样了?



我抱着的
又是什么?



我不知道
我真的不知道


我看我只知道
我还是很想

我怎么到了现在
还是处处为你着想?
还是想把时间给你?
不管好的坏的
还是想找你?
有问题有困难是要帮助时
也还是你
我真笨
也看是自己在找借口?
也许 也就是这样吧
_____________________________________

对于感情
我的要求
和想法

我看
也有许多的改变

还是可以说是
我以前不懂

现在
却有了自己的想法吧?
也知道了要怎么处理
要怎么要怎么应付
也比较懂自己要的是什么
其实一切都很简单


++jingz++;
1/01/2009 11:59:00 PM




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