Sunday, June 15, 2008
emo-ing...
i still miss him
especially today
when i have nthing to do
nowhere to go
rmb how we used to spend our no plans day tgt
thr may be quarrels
thr may be fights
but as long as we're still tgt
i'm satisfied
but i've nv really shown my true feelings tt i'm actually content enough
still want to push and demand for him to do things nicely for me
i shld have shown my contentment then
perhaps things cld have been different
one big lesson i've learnt
like i've told tammy
is to be honest w my true feelings
thr's no harm being open abt my feelings
abt letting another know tt they are loved
i have no idea why i chose to hide then
shy? want him to be the one to say 1st? pride?
it's been quite some time tt we're tgt alr and i'm still waitng fro him to make the 1st move
i cant believe i allowed tt to happen
for my brain to overrule my heart
actually
i think it shld have been mutual
he ought to be able to feel my love for him as well as for me to feel it from him
he ought to be told
i've always thot i've always shown him tt i appreciate him
i dont think i did
i've forward emails telling ppl to always let the ppl ard you know tt they are being loved and appreciated
i've thot i'm doing it myself
all and all,
i dont think i've actually done so
i didnt practise what i preached
sadly to say
a love so strong
yet i didnt say it
sighs.
thr's no looking back now.
i've cried enough. dragged long enough.
i can only tell myself that i need to move forward
he tells me that he sacrificed alot o thing for me during the r/s
i really appreciate it
but it works both ways as well
i've put him on top of every thing i did
and i'm really sorry tt i caused you to sacrifice so much for me
and it's causing you regrets
i thot i regretted giving you my love
and sacrifising for you
till i didnt even have a dream w/o you in it
you were my everything
you were my world
my doraemon
nthin mattered as long as you are with me
and being w you was my dream
now
i need to rebuild my dreams.
plan my own future
and i hated you for this.
hated myself for it.
i thot i do
but i dont
i have no hates
no regrets.
i just hope that you'll still think o me w a smile on your face
and rmb all the good times that we shared
i will always still be here
if you ever need me
you are my 1st love
and will always be
forward as i move
i will look back w a smile
bcos of you
thks for all the precious memories
all the joys that we've shared
for giving.
for loving.
and for the lessons learnt
and for making me realised tt i have friends who care alot abt me
for the closer friendship fostered
even ppl whom i didnt think would
they were thr all the while.
it makes me appreciate them even more
i have no idea what the future's gona hold for me
but i'm gonna braved it
i'll live well
and not mopped in sorrow
live life like thr's no tmr
i'm sure my friends wld be proud of me
*smile*
but pls pardon me if i do have my downs my dear friends
just continue to be thr for me..
thks for letting me know tt thr's always someone watching for me out thr
it's a wonderful feeling to know that fact
i feel lucky
bcos i may not be the most amazing person to exist
i dont see any good pts in me tt deserve this kind o well treatment
clumsy kltuz up till this age.
indecisive.
impatient.
fiery temper.
demanding..stubborn.selfish.
only perhaps that i'm too nice and trusty.
perhaps i've lost part o my self confidence
but i'll build it up.
jiayou jeecheng!
i know my thots are v random
and emotins in a mess
but i just want to say them.
once again
thkyew my friends.
++jingz++;
6/15/2008 11:02:00 PM
